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kept_the_faith
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Interests: praying more, singing with my sister, cultural experiences, playing the piano, a good story, dancing, quality time and deep relationship
Expertise: laughing and Ruby Tuesday's blackberry lemonade and reading (I'm an excellent reader); I've never been sure what to put here exactly
Message: message me
Member Since:
12/4/2004
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Bella
By Eduardo Verástegui, Tammy Blanchard, Manny Perez, Ali Landry, Angélica Aragón
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I feel a little numb today. I think that is to be expected when I have been on such a broad spectrum of emotion in the past week, heck in the past 24 hours...it's all part of the leaving and grieving process. Sometimes I want it to be like ripping off a bandaid, just get it over with, and other times I want to slow down time to relish being with the people here who are near and dear to my heart. So, I learn and grow with the changing of seasons. We found an apartment, and I am grateful for God being in the details of that. It looks like a good fit for us (we have seen pictures). I really want to use the space to grow in being/providing community for people...that is our prayer. This weekend we go the family cabin in PA...I am so grateful for time to find peace and quiet with God and with Peter in the midst of the hectic pace of finishing my work at New Hope and getting ready to move. I can feel the Holy Spirit's presence in the mountains...it calls to my soul. I imagine I will think of my Papa, who died in April...we have many fond memories with him at the cabin. I am glad his soul is with God. | | |
| We're moving back to Indiana. It is official. Some of it sounds crazy to us since we don't know everything about our living or job situations yet. Peter knows he will start grad school in the fall, and I will do a clinical supervising job for the MA in counseling program at Grace. But that's about all we know... We're making all the moving plans, though. I booked a truck yesterday. That's exciting... hopefully we find an apartment next! I am in the emotional process of leaving, though. It is sad to think about being far away from my family again, but they are very supportive. And I have lived in Winona Lake before, quite a distance from my family...also, it seems like an opportunity for Peter and I to grow in our marriage separate from either of our families. We will get to live closer to his family for a time, but it is far enough that we won't see them all the time. I guess a lot remains to be seen. I look at it more as an adventure now! But sometimes I get anxious...I keep learning...and praying. | | |
| So, three weeks later...we're still waiting to hear about the job for which Peter interviewed, almost four weeks ago. The woman making the decision went on a missions trip for two weeks. I guess we can't blame her for that. But I know I feel really confused as to why this decision is taking so long. I thought I learned about patience, but apparently I'm still impatient. I don't know what to do with confused impatience...except to keep going to God...and try to distract myself. I don't always like distraction as an alternative to worry, but sometimes it's a healthy alternative to sitting around, stewing in my own worry that often keeps me from sleeping. I guess distraction is healthy when it's balanced with the God factor, however cheesey it sounds. Needless to say, I'm tired of waiting. But I'm learning...maybe not growing from it yet, but learning...and I wish this were a less whiney post, but there it is. | | |
| I find myself a little listless tonight...it's been a long and stressful week, particularly as we still wait to hear about this job for which Peter interviewed last Friday. We probably won't know until at least Monday now. So, tonight I had time scheduled to prepare for team-teaching with my mom this Sunday at my parents' church for Mother's Day. But I found myself listless...uninspired, as it were. Then I remembered something a client told me just today: that in the midst of difficulty, we still must praise. So, I sat down and praised God, at the piano, which I hadn't done in a while. My heart has been lifted...maybe the Spirit has lifted it because I turned it towards God rather than myself. Either way, I think we are called to praise, even when we feel least like doing so. | | |
| It's been raining for a couple days in a row now. Our apartment overlooks this low-lying grassy area that lead to some aqueducts close to the nearby road. So, when it rains a long time, the ground becomes oversaturated, and we end up with a river flowing throught our "backyard." Sometimes ducks swim down it. It's entertaining. Today I feel like the ground behind our place...I've been absorbing a lot recently... The death of my Papa on Good Friday
Both Peter and I giving notice at work without actually having our next plans fixed
The financial and emotional strain that my clients face daily
Considering my capacity as a counselor and what my limitations are
Waiting to hear about an interview Peter had last week
The challenge from a book I most recently read about what it means to live simply and how that relates to my faith
Learning to relate to God in new ways, especially listening to Him
Preparing for a message my mom and I will deliver to my parents' church on Mother's Day
When I absorb a lot, I feel as if I am a sponge that is oversaturated and needs to be squeezed...but I guess I don't really want to be squeezed either. Well, however the analogy works, there's a lot flowing through my brain and heart -- a kind of weight and wait at the same time. There's so many hopes...I suppose this is what it means to live fully awake and alive. | | |
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