kept_the_faith's Xanga

Sunday, October 18, 2009

Sun, 18 Oct 2009 01:08:25 GMT

This weekend Peter is on a personal retreat...at this point in the weekend, I'm a little jealous as I have been trying to focus on studying for the IN counselor's licensure exam (I plan to take it in Dec). However, I was just watching Ocean's 11 for the umpteenth time, and seriously they wear the coolest suits in that movie!

Anyways, I tend to write on here when I have been anxious. But the past week I have found myself anxious again...about a number of things I suppose, a big one being finances. And I really despise that I worry about money. I don't want it to be that big of a deal. I can tell that I want to trust God, but I really want to be in control of this area...man, I just really want to organize my life in a way that means I am comfortable and not really needing God...but then, that defeats the purpose of faith. So, here I am...yet again learning to trust.

I had a great coffee date with a new friend this morning (I don't actually drink coffee, but I like hot chocolate a lot)...it was encouraging to have someone want to get to know the me a little deeper. I do thank God for a new friend. I believe still that focus on gratitude is one way to battle anxiety. So, I will keep practicing gratitude...

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Tue, 15 Sep 2009 17:56:39 GMT

As I've been getting used to my new job, I realize how much I tend to base my identity or value in my work...especially since it seems to be where I experience a lot of spiritual attack, thoughts that I am not cut out for this work or that I'm not "something" enough. However, I do believe God has shaped me for a position like this, and I really enjoy it, as well as my colleagues and the working environment. So, maybe it's like these recent chapel speakers I've heard who talked about remembering the foundation of our identity, as well as putting focus on God rather than what we do for Him.

We continue to love our new church and feel so thankful for it. I am also grateful for making new friends there.

This week I'm way excited to go to the AACC conference (American Association of Christian Counselors). I'm going with Tammy, my mentor and friend. Last time I went with my mom, who is sad she cannot go. But if I can't go with her, there's no one I'd rather go with than Tammy. The cool thing about this conference is the spiritual nourishment in addition to academic or professional nourishment.

Wednesday, September 02, 2009

Wed, 02 Sep 2009 14:45:25 GMT

I have now worked a week at my new job at Grace, and while I am pooped, I am enjoying it immensely. I can still get a little nervous about meeting with all the new students...ya know, will we get along? will they like me? etc...it can be like the first day of high school all over again, except I don't have to figure out where to sit at lunch (yay!). I love the team of colleagues with whom I get to work, too. There is one main class with which I work (since I meet with the students weekly outside of that class), and our first class is today.

Peter and I are adjusting to the new schedule...it's quite a shift to go from summer break to both of us working and Peter being in school. I think we like it! Plus, we love our new church, and that's way exciting to us!

Also, right now I'm listening to the song "Aslan" by Kendall Payne. Nice and chill with C.S. Lewisian thoughts on God.

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Tue, 25 Aug 2009 11:02:46 GMT

Here I am a week later, and now I'm really excited about change...I don't think I'm fickle, rather just growing. Peter's job and grad class started yesterday, and my job starts tomorrow. I'm excited to be involved with an amazing team of coworkers, motivated students, and a program I wholeheartedly endorse, where God is allowed to work in the process.

I'm grateful for the excitement and change of heart from last week. It's such a contrast to the past two years when school would start for Peter, and life felt stressful for at least a month. Yay for less stress.

Also, I'm going to be an aunt! My sister is pregnant for the first time, and we're all excited.

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Tue, 18 Aug 2009 20:06:30 GMT

I thought it wouldn't happen...that I was done being anxious with change...but here I am again. It's not as bad as sometimes in the past, and the changes don't seem as big as having just moved halfway across the country. It's mainly about entering this next phase of the move: working and school for Peter. As I have talked to God about it (and some with Peter), it seems so much of it boils down to fear of the unknown. We don't know what these new jobs will be like for us, and I don't know what life will be like for our marriage with Peter in school. I don't like the process of change because it's uncomfortable...what if I don't like how things turn out after adjustments are made? Too many what if's and too many things that are really self-centered.

My friend Aubrey has a blog where she has been doing a "gratefulness series." She said that it has helped her in her anxiousness, and that makes a lot of sense. Being grateful takes the focus off of me and puts it back on God, not what isn't happening or might happen, but what is happening.

Today I am grateful for a new church family. I have felt homeless when it comes to church for a couple years now, and this new church is a gift from God, just in the right time.

Thursday, August 13, 2009

Thu, 13 Aug 2009 01:08:43 GMT

Peter and I have enjoyed our summer in Winona Lake...reconnecting with friends, some general laziness, good books and movies, LOST, fresh produce from roadside stands, Saturday nights and Settlers with the Crabtrees...we see the end of our summer in sight, however, as Peter got a part-time teaching job, which starts the same day as his online masters program, and I start my job two days later...yet, we are excited and grateful. We just learned of Peter's job yesterday, ate a celebratory brunch at at the great Maria's House of Pancakes today, and have generally hit the ground running with what needs to be accomplished in the next two weeks.

Again, I am grateful...

Also, Comcast charges a lot to install internet service!

We watched Seven Pounds over the weekend, and I can't decide if it's redemptive or disturbing.

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Wed, 22 Jul 2009 01:03:02 GMT

So, that was a bit of a hiatus while we were moving...we are now settled back in Indiana. I should say we're settled physically, if not emotionally. We still refer to "back home" in Maryland and stuff like that, but Peter and I know that will shift eventually.

We are in limbo as we wait for my work to start and for Peter to find a job.

We had a productive day at the Dept of Motor Vehicles (bureau, here in IN), productive but long.

I learned that I never knew the little flag on mailboxes was not so that you knew if you had mail but so the postperson knows that you have left mail for them to pick up! Sometimes I'm still a city girl at heart.

I have also learned I'm addicted to Lost.

I miss my family a lot, and some dear friends. It has been nice to reconnect with friends here, however. It's funny how 3 years can pass, and even with the changes here, sometimes it feels like I never left.

Peter and I talked about things for which we are thankful tonight, even down to minutiae. I think that is a good habit to continue...a pattern of gratitude...

...for our new apartment, the beautiful weather recently, good books, time off to get used to our new environment, friendships, time we had with my fam in MD, time to read good books :), Peter, simple pleasures...

Thursday, June 18, 2009

Thu, 18 Jun 2009 13:11:56 GMT

I feel a little numb today. I think that is to be expected when I have been on such a broad spectrum of emotion in the past week, heck in the past 24 hours...it's all part of the leaving and grieving process. Sometimes I want it to be like ripping off a bandaid, just get it over with, and other times I want to slow down time to relish being with the people here who are near and dear to my heart. So, I learn and grow with the changing of seasons.

We found an apartment, and I am grateful for God being in the details of that. It looks like a good fit for us (we have seen pictures). I really want to use the space to grow in being/providing community for people...that is our prayer.

This weekend we go the family cabin in PA...I am so grateful for time to find peace and quiet with God and with Peter in the midst of the hectic pace of finishing my work at New Hope and getting ready to move. I can feel the Holy Spirit's presence in the mountains...it calls to my soul. I imagine I will think of my Papa, who died in April...we have many fond memories with him at the cabin. I am glad his soul is with God.

Monday, June 08, 2009

Mon, 08 Jun 2009 15:57:11 GMT

We're moving back to Indiana. It is official. Some of it sounds crazy to us since we don't know everything about our living or job situations yet. Peter knows he will start grad school in the fall, and I will do a clinical supervising job for the MA in counseling program at Grace. But that's about all we know... We're making all the moving plans, though. I booked a truck yesterday. That's exciting... hopefully we find an apartment next!

I am in the emotional process of leaving, though. It is sad to think about being far away from my family again, but they are very supportive. And I have lived in Winona Lake before, quite a distance from my family...also, it seems like an opportunity for Peter and I to grow in our marriage separate from either of our families. We will get to live closer to his family for a time, but it is far enough that we won't see them all the time.

I guess a lot remains to be seen. I look at it more as an adventure now! But sometimes I get anxious...I keep learning...and praying.

Thursday, May 28, 2009

Thu, 28 May 2009 15:17:44 GMT

So, three weeks later...we're still waiting to hear about the job for which Peter interviewed, almost four weeks ago. The woman making the decision went on a missions trip for two weeks. I guess we can't blame her for that. But I know I feel really confused as to why this decision is taking so long. I thought I learned about patience, but apparently I'm still impatient. I don't know what to do with confused impatience...except to keep going to God...and try to distract myself. I don't always like distraction as an alternative to worry, but sometimes it's a healthy alternative to sitting around, stewing in my own worry that often keeps me from sleeping. I guess distraction is healthy when it's balanced with the God factor, however cheesey it sounds.

Needless to say, I'm tired of waiting. But I'm learning...maybe not growing from it yet, but learning...and I wish this were a less whiney post, but there it is.